Sliva's Roadtrip of Hell!
by Stargirl-Washu
Summary: Sliva and his friend Kalim are on a road trip to an Art's festival in Denver Colorado. On the way there, they encounter a lot of laughs, love and a living nightmare!
1. Misfortune 1

Down the highway on the way to the greatest festival in history that seemly always repeats itself. The one and only Arts Festival. Celebrating Music, Art and other art. It's the summer and what a great season to hold the festival.

Driving down the American highway to actually get there. The wind is blowing in our faces and this really annoying song that Kalim seems to like so much. Beware! It's annoying!

"Boys Boys Boys! I am looking for a good time. Boys Boys Boys! Are you ready for my love!" he sang along.

I was driving and hearing him singing along with the radio really rats your brains out. Especially if the song keeps repeating and the person singing along is a bad singer. A real bad singer.

"Kalim... will you take that song off repeat?" I asked him.

"But Sliva it's not on repeat. It's in the CD 12 times b'coz I put it in 12 times. Smart move, eh? It's amazing how computers work," said Kalim.

I said nothing. I took the CD outta of the system and threw it out the car. Then a passing lorry ran over it. Thank the Great Spirit for that.

"HEY!"

"We will put my CD on now," I said.

We drove all the way to a restaurant listening to Avril Lavigne. At least she has had more hits than Sabrina has. (Let's face it! She has a body to show!)

We went to a restaurant and gas station. We needed some food bad. So we had cheeseburgers and sodas. If we entered a bull-riding contest then we would be able to have free food and win some cash. This was our first misfortune on our roadtrip.

"For a free meal ride this mechanical bull and win a free meal and $150. Can anyone handle that?" announced the Yank who owned the restaurant.

"Silva! We are short on cash!" Kalim said.

I slammed my glass of cola on the table and looked shocked at him.

"Say what?" I said shocked.

"You know the night before we camped outside a strip club?"

"Yes..."

Kalim scratched his head "Well, I kinda of..."

"Did you kinda go and kinda put most of our $700 in a ladies' panties?" I asked going mad.

"Any volunteers?" asked the dim-witted Yankee.

I stood up and pointed at Kalim grinning.

"Yes! Him! He wants to do it!"

The Yank went over to us and grabbed Kalim's arm and dragged him over to the mechanical bull. He sat up on the bull's pack. The yank pressed the button and the mechanical bull was moving dead fast from side to side. Kalim was holding on tight and screaming.

"Get me off! I hate fast rides. Especially rollercoasters!" Kalim screamed.

"This is one way to win the money back you gave to the ladies at that club. This is your fault. Now, this is your punishment." I put my head down and sighed.

Kalim's time was 12 minutes and 34 seconds. No one wanted on the bull apart from this little old lady who looked completely weak and harmless to anyone even to a fly but boy! Did I learn looks can be disceving? That old lady was a killer on that bull!

"What is your name, sugar?" the Yank asked.

"Yes, I like sugar," she replied.

That reminds me, did I mention she was deaf?

"Name?" the Yank replied "Tell me your name?"

"Mrs Smith. I am off seeing my grandchildren; they are going to be at the Arts Festival. Here is a picture of them. Their names are Plika and HoroHoro."

The Yank looked at the baby photos of the people I know. I didn't mention to the old lady that we knew them. Kalim did that for me. Yes, it is nice to have someone doing the blabbing for you!

"Hey! I know them! HoroHoro and Jun. Yeah! HoroHoro is in the Shaman Tournament and his sister Plika is his trainer and they have a Koropokkur. Well, it's HoroHoro's," Kalim said making conversation with her.

"Mr Kalim put Mrs Smith on the mechanical bull," the Yank demanded.

Kalim lifted Mrs Smith on the mechanical bull and I was raging. So I decided to cheat. Yes, well, they were going to be light on the little old lady so there was no way Kalim was going to win unless I cheat which I did.

I got my little animal friend the snake out and got her to make the bull go faster despite what they put on the speed limit. Though I think Snake went and over did it a bit too much.

"On your marks, get set, go!" the Yank announced.

The old lady starts off slow on the bull. Within 3 minutes, Snake boosted the speed and she made it go faster than what the Yank put for Kalim. It was so fast that Mrs Smith went flying off the bull and went flying out the window.

"Ooh... 4 minutes and 47 seconds. Good try. Anyone else want a go?"

Everyone was silent.

"Maybe we should put an age restriction on this bull?" the Yank whispered to the mechanic.

**Back on the Highway to the Arts Festival. **We won all the money and the free meal at the restaurant. Thanks to my quick thinking and Kalim's enuthism. Though I feel a bit guilty doing that to a grandmother of a Shaman Contestant. JUST A BIT!

"I can't believe we won! I thought that old lady was going to win for they would've slowed the bull for her. Or don't they have age restrictions?" asked Kalim.

"Just be glad we won. Now, I'll look after our money. You are not to be trusted!" Sliva shouted.

"But it was cold in the tent and those ladies have warm hands."

"Shut up Kalim! Play your Sabrina CD but don't sing a long!" I suggested.

Back to listening to Kalim's summertime love song...

**To be continued...**


	2. Misfortune 2

On the Highway. It's getting late. We would've gotten to a near-by city sooner if Kalim wouldn't drink so much soda! We were speeding just to get to Canon City, Colorado. But the County Sheriff stopped us. That was Misfortune number 2.

"Sliva, the cops are chasing us!" Kalim said.

"WELL! IT WAS YOUR FAULT B'COZ YOU WASTED OUR MONEY AND WE DON'T HAVE AN ENOUGH FOR GAS AND THE NEXT GAS STATION IS MILES AWAY." I take a deep breath.

The siren went off on the car and I stopped the car. A officer came out and walked over to the car. We both smiled nervously at him. He wasn't smiling at all.

"You know what you just did!" he said.

"I don't!" Kalim exclaimed.

He looked at Kalim and pointed his finger at me. "Your long haired friend here drove over the speed way limet. That is a criminal offense. You have a choice. Jail or pay?"

"I always saw Madonna in prison in one of her movies and I always wanted to know what it was like," said Kalim.

Well Kalim's dream came true and that episode of Saved by the Bell became reality. I feel like Zach Morris and Kalim is Screech but maybe a lot worse.

We were stuck in prison was this guy who he called himself Hedgehog, a guy with spiky hair and Mrs Smith... (The old lady from before! Horo Horo's grandmother.) You don't wanna know why she was in. Same reason as us only vice versa (yes, she was going slow!)

"Let us out!" I shouted at the guards.

They ignored my insane rage.

"Hello Mrs Smith!" Kalim greeted.

"Oh! The young man who helped me on that fast rocking chair. Please to see you again? Want to see pictures of my grandchildren?"

Kalim and Mrs Smith started looking at HoroHoro and Plika's baby photos. Hedgehog came up to me in a very creepy way. Then yet he was all over creepy.

"I am Hedgehog. Want to be my friend?" he said very slowly and eyeing me up.

"No, I have more important things to do," I replied to him.

I started banging on the bars of the cells wanting out. I had no chance but to use my Mana!

I got all my animal spirits formed Mana and broke the cell walls down freeing us all. We all escaped. Though it was abit stupid b'coz Hedgehog is an outlaw and was in prison for shooting a hobo. But we never knew that until the next day.

"Kalim. Go and pay for the petrol," I said filling our no roof Bell-Air cheeve.

I passed Kalim some money and Kalim went in to pay for it. He saw some posters. Wanted posters. One of both me and Kalim, one for Hedgehog and Mrs Smith...

Kalim wore a mask and paid for the petrol and then rushed out with copies of the poster the Gas Station was giving away. I freaked when I saw the one of us.

"WHAT? WE ARE WANTED?" I freaked.

"So is Mrs Smith!"

I slapped him "I don't care for Mrs Smith! I care about us! We are meant to be going to the Arts Festival and have fun not go and get into trouble!"

"Isn't ironic, it's just like the movie Dumb & Dumber!"

I slapped him again "Shut up and get into the car. Let's get outta here!"

We drove down the Highway for 2 hours and we reached a town and decided to stop by the bar and have a drink. It was a tradional looking old Western bar. With a sexy looking girl singing a guy playing the piano and everyone is either drinking or playing cards. The doors did swing by the way before you ask.

"Water and a beer for my friend here," I said to the bar man.

"Coming right up!" he replied.

Kalim was very entertained by the show girl.

"Kalim... Kalim...," I said trying to get his attention.

He was hipmotised by her legs.

"Jolene, Jolene, Jolene... I'm begging you, Please don't take my man away, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene b'coz you can...," the girl sang.

"That Mary Lulu MaGu. She is talented," the bar man said serving the drinks.

Kalim never said a word. He took his beer and drunk it while watching Mary Lulu MaGu sing her heart out to the guys that weren't interested in gambling.

"She is pretty too," I pointed out.

"Yeah, she is. Shame, she is trapped in a loveless relationship with a man who doesn't understand her needs like I do."

The Bar man put his head down and cleaned the glass.

"If we help you get her to break up with her lover, will you let us have these drinks on the house? We are on a budget since Lover Boy here spent half of our money on strippers," I said using my thumb to point at Kalim.

Kalim was still silent which was very scary if you know him very well.

The Barman's eyes widen with hope. Mary Lulu came off stage to get a break and I rushed over to her and started to talk to her. All part of my plan.

"Hello! I am Sliva. I can't help but notice that you were staring at me," I joked.

She laughed "Oh I wasn't staring at you! I was staring at Roger. The bar-tender over there. He is such a sweet loving guy unlike my boyfriend."

"You are in love with him!" I said pretending not to know.

"Yeah, Roger is the only guy who thinks twice about me. I wish he was single," Mary Lulu blabbed.

I smiled "Well, it is your lucky day. Come with me."

I grabbed her arm and her boyfriend noticed what I was doing and he was really mad. We were half way walking over to Roger and Kalim when he came and started to pick a fight with me. Misfortune number 3.

"What ya doin' with my lady?" he asked mad.

Mary Lulu defended me and stood up to him. She looked more mad than he did.

"This man is a gentleman. Unlike you. All you do is force me to perform and keep all the money I earn for yourself. Roger, on the other hand is a sweet guy and Sliva is setting me up with him."

The boyfriend was over the moon mad. He decided to punch me but I used my Mana and Turtle protected me from that. I smirked at him. He punched me again. Still protected myself. He was confused and yet more angry. Mary Lulu slapped him.

"Keep the money! We are so over, Richie!" she shouted.

The whole bar went silent. Mary Lulu ran over to Roger and hugged him. Kalim was crying b'coz it was such a happy ending and Mrs Smith was in the bar and won $1000. .

"Hehe... I WON! Haha!" she chackled.

Then everyone started to fight. Kalim, Roger, Mary Lulu and I sneaked out.

"Thanks for everything, Sliva," said Mary Lulu.

"Oh you are welcome!" I replied.

"Well, you both get your free drinks then."

Kalim was still crying "This is such a happy ending!"

"We haven't got an ending until we get to the Arts Festival!" I said.

Mary Lulu smiled "Wow! The arts festival! I always wanted to go there. It's amazing there. You will love it."

**Back on the Highway.** Speeding at the right speed since I got some petrol. We were again on our way to the Arts Festival. Nothing was gonna disturb us. Or so I thought...

"Sliva," Kalim said to me.

"What?" I replied.

"That psycho guy Hedgehog has got a rope attached to our car and he is on Rollerblades and he looks like he is gonna do something."

I looked behind me and saw him. I went pale. Hedghog was smirking like he had an evil plan.

"Remember me! FRIEND!" he said.

To Be Continued...


	3. Misfortune 3

We stopped the car. Then turned to look at a deranged man wearing a cowboy hat and with a gun and the cheesest smirk on his face. More cheesier than Kalim's smirks at a woman. Misfortune 4 began to unfold like a hankerchief.

"I thought you were gonna be my friend," he said shooting.

All the shots he used missed us as I used my Mana to protect us. He was getting mad.

"We don't make friends with lunitics especially ones like you," I replied back.

He shot another bullet. It was so quick that I didn't use my Mana aginst it but it just missed my left arm. Kalim was so shocked at the sight he fainted. It was just me and Hedgehog.

"For years I was bullied at school for liking animals," Hedgehog began.

"Hey! I like animals too!"

"I know they are so cute. I always loved Hedgehogs and Squrrils. They totally rocked! Wait... a second you are trying to be my friend so I won't kill you!"

"Ok, go on explaining before you kill me and my friend here," I said as I folded my arms.

Hedgehog grinned "Thank you. No one ever took me seriously. I was always alone reading my animal stories. You know ones like dogs, cats and horses." Hedgehog began to weep.

I looked at him weirdly. He was just a complete weirdo who loved animals and was looking for a friend. I felt sorry for him. Though I don't know if he was joking or not...

I started to red with embarressement. Then he decided to turn on me.

"Hey! You want me to spill my feelings out so I will spare your life. Well, fat chance, blondie." He gets his gun out.

"I have dark hair," I said looking at my hair.

He points his gun at me smirking "Whatever."

His fingers were moving slowly trying to pull the trigger. He was shaking and I was just looking at him. I decided to protect myself using my Mana.

Then all of a sudden. Mrs Smith came in her car and knocked Hedgehog out cold. The old lady has saved me from a animal lovin' maniac.

"Where's Kalim? I baked him home-made cookies," said Mrs Smith.

I went down on my knees. "THANK YOU! THANK YOU!"

Mrs Smith looked down at the ground and saw Hedgehog on the ground. He didn't die. He was knocked out cold. Kalim woke up when he smelled the cookies.

"Grannie!" he cried out.

"She isn't your grandmother," I said being serious.

Kalim walked out of the car and went over to Mrs Smith's car. He stuffed himself with the cookies. I looked at him oldly. Mrs Smith looked at me.

"You can have some too, young man," she called over to me.

**Back on the Highway.** We were driving around for hours. Kalim kept reading the big advertisement boards. They were all advertising a muesum. The Muesum of Interesting Things. Or M.I.T. Could've come up with a better name.

Anyway as time went by, Kalim was keen to go to the Muesum.

"Sliva, can we go to M.I.T?" Kalim asked.

"No."

He kept begging until I said yes which was after 4 plea bargains.

So we went to the Muesum. Though we didn't have an enough money. Yes! I was so happy until Mrs Smith turned up and decided to pay us in. Kalim was happy with joy more than Hilray Duff is on a rainy day which sickened me...

"Yeah! We got into M.I.T!" Kalim cheered.

I wasn't smiling. I was reading the leaflet. It showed a good amount of history behind the weird things we were going to see. The tour guide came. She was this small looking girl who looked like Christina Agulirea in her innocent days before Moulin Rouge.

"Hi everyone! My name is Shelly! I am going to be your tourguide for the time you are here. So lets start the tour!" she announced to everyone.

I had found Kalim's soul mate.

We went with her to see a Panda playing the piano. Everyone was amazed how a Panda can do such things. I wasn't b'coz there is this thing called Talent that I am sure everyone has even all you following my road trip.

"This is Faye. Our Panda who is playing the piano," Shelly introduced.

Mrs Smith got her glasses on and looked at the Panda. "Can she play the song the song what a girl wants by Christina Agulirea?"

The Panda begins to play 'What a girl wants' and Mrs Smith starts to sing. Changing the words. Lawyers of Miss Agulirea, we are sorry!

**Mrs Smith: I wanna thank you for helping me get on that bull  
You did wit' a smile  
While I was riding it  
I figured it out  
I am too old to be riding this  
I rode it b'coz  
I didn't want my grandchildren thinking I was old**

**What an old lady wants  
What an old lady needs  
Whatever makes me happy sets you free  
And I'm thanking you for knowing exactly   
What an old lady wants  
What an lady needs  
Whatever keeps me in your arms  
And I'm thanking you for being there for me unlike Sliva  
Yes Yes  
**

Then the song was over and we went to see the World's largest ball of wool. There was 20 signs saying no cats allowed. Oh yeah! Like a cat was gonna come and play on it.

Kalim and I stayed behind and kept looking at the wool. Kalim was interested in it. Though I wasn't but I still stayed to keep my friend company.

I was too busy reading the leaflet when Misfortune number 5 striked. Kalim pretended to be a cat for a joke and the large ball of wool started to roll. We ran for it.

"AHHH!" We screamed.

Mrs Smith was coming outta the toilets when she got ran over by the large ball of wool.

"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?" I raged.

"I thought it would be funny!" Kalim yelled back.

It was like Indinna Jones running from the boulder. It is so original that everyone copies it. But only it was a reality for us instead and that stinked.

**Back on the Highway.** We were driving to Canon City. We were nearly at Denver and just in time for the Arts Festival. Then my stomach rumbles I really needed some food badly.

To be continued...


	4. Misfortune 4

THANK GOD THERE WAS A SUPER MARKET NEAR BY OR I WAS JUST GONNA DIE!

We stopped by the super market to get some food on the way to Denver. We were on a tight budget but I did have Goldva's credit Card just incase.

"Ok, some potatoe chips, bread, cheese, soda, chocolate bars, anything else Kalim?" I asked.

Kalim picked up a packet of dog biscuits. I just slapped him across the head. I realised we needed some cookies.

We walked over to the cookies alisle. I picked up a packet of cookies and gave them to Kalim to put in the shopping basket. Kalim's mouth was drooling over the ice cream. He was so desperate to have some ice cream. Chocolate ice cream to be exact!

"OH SLIVA! CAN WE HAVE SOME ICE CREAM!" He cried out being weak.

"No."

Kalim looked shocked "WHAT?"

"It would melt and look at the size of the box. You can't eat all that ice cream. Now, stop acting like a child and lets go," I said.

Then outta no where this little boy was riding one of those electric schooters in the store and laughing and this woman was chasing him. She was so pretty too. Shame she was probably married.

"Someone stop that shooter! My son is riding it! He can get hurt!" she called out.

Being the gentleman I am, I chased after the boy on the schooter. He was driving outta control. I decided to chase him using my Mana and the speed of Coyote and stopped the schooter while causing other damage on the way.

"Lets see... I need flour to make those cookies for Horo Horo and his little friends," Mrs Smith said reading her shopping list.

Mrs Smith was standing behind the Flour display which was a pyrimid shape like Cheerleaders would do in one of their cheers for a contest.

So the little boy on the schooter was riding on the schooter and knocked the whole display of flour and it fell on Mrs Smith making her look like a ghost since she was then covered from head to toe in flour.

"Sorry Mrs Smith!" I called out while running after the boy.

Following me where his babe of a mother and Kalim.

"Your friend is sure brave! He is chasing after my hyperactive son, HoroHoro," she said to Kalim.

"His name is Horo Horo too!" Kalim said shocked.

He was reaching the end of the line. Horo Horo 2 (We'll call him that to save all you Horo Horo fangirls the confusion!) was at a dead end. Well, nearly. I jumped and grabbed him off the bike and it went crashing into the wall.

"Hey Kid! Your mommy is worried about you," I told him.

"I WANT SUGAR!"

"Oh! I see you are hyperactive on... sugar," I said.

His mother and Kalim ran up to us and I passed him to her and she was hugging him and patting his back. She was so worried about him. Mrs Smith came up to me and did what she should have done the last time with the bull, the Large ball of wool etc, etc. She slapped me with her handbag.

"I was meaning to do that!"

Mrs Smith walks off and I was rubbing my sore face.

"Oh Horo Horo! No free candy samples for you until you are old an enough not to be hyper," she said to her 3 year old son.

"Horo Horo!" I said shocked.

The lady looks down at me and smiles. I stood up and wiped the dust off my hands to shake her lovely delicate hand.

"Thank you, Sliva," she said to me smiling.

I pointed a finger at myself. "How do you know my name?"

She smiled "Kalim told me. Please let me take you out to dinner!"

Was I dreaming? She asked me out. Oh, I wished Mrs Smith would hit me again with her hangbag so it can wake me up from this dream. Though having my hair pulled by Horo Horo 2 was an enough for me to wake me up.

"Ouch!"

"Horo Horo, don't pull his hair."

She grabbed Horo Horo 2's hand and freed my hair.

**Later that day, I was ready for the date.** With Horo Horo 2's mother who's name is KT Vogt. Horo Horo Vogt? Sounds... Ok... She took me to this romantic French restuarant. Mohammed Lechgar. Doesn't sound romantic... at all.

"I hope Kalim is alright looking after Horo Horo. He is a handfull. Nothing like me or his father," she went on.

I put my hand on top of hers "Kalim is great with kids. He will be alright."

**Kalim was not alright...**

"Wee! I want more candy!"

"YOU ATE IT ALL!" Kalim cried.

**I was smiling happily away at KT.** She was talking about her ex-husband and what he is like now. I listened to every detail and reconised the description. Her ex-husband reminded me of someone...

"My ex-husband loved animals. His favourites were **_!Hedgehogs and Squrrils!. _**Everytime I saw him he was reading stories about animals. When we were dating he kept a pet parrot who sang Roxette songs. My favourite band. I always loved the song 'Dangerous'. It was so groovey to listen to," KT explained.

I took a sip of my wine and kept listening.

"Though we had our problems. After Horo Horo was born. Our marriage was going downhill. I spent all my time with Horo and he spent it with the horses on the near by farm. One day, he assumed I cheated on him. When I never had a social life after Horo was born," KT began to weep.

I jumped off my seat and held her hand.

"Hey! He is one sad loser if he thought you cheated on him. I bet he was cheating on you with all those animals," I laughed.

KT laughed lightly and smiled.

Half way through the dinner, we were having fun. Laughing and talking. I told her about Mrs Smith and Kalim and all the adverntures we were having on this road trip. But I never told her about Hedgehog. No! You don't tell a lady that!

Soon, Misfortune 5 came rushing in with a gun. It was Hedgehog. KT's ex-husband. What a twist! Just like those soap operahs I enjoy watching. Only I didn't enjoy being here.

"Give me all your money!" Hedgehog demanded.

KT looked shocked "HORO HORO!"

NO! NOT ANOTHER HORO HORO! NO!

"KATE!" Hedgehog replied back shocked.

"Hey Hedgehog!" I waved.

Hedgehog waved back "Hi Sliva."

Hedgehog points his gun at me and grins "Nice to see you again, my friend!" Then does Evil laugh.

**To Be Continued...**


	5. Kalim's Time

Hello! I am Kalim. (_Looks at Washu)_ and this is Washu. Who wrote this adventure. _(Washu waves)_ I also star in this adventure. Sliva's Roadtrip of Hell. I am Sliva's best friend and I decided to tell you some facts about the fanfic and Washu. _(Washu gives evil look at Kalim)_ Which might not appear in this fanfic and to give all you Sliva fans a toilet break. Need the toilet, GO! I'll still be here blabbing out some facts!

Fact 1: This fanfic was thought of while high school drop-out Washu was washing dishes in a horrible rainy day. She was laughing so much at the idea that it worried her older brother Scott so much. (_Washu grins) _

Fact 2: Washu's favourite character in Shaman King is actually Amidamaru. Her younger brother Andrew on the other hand is the big Sliva fan and is writing a Sliva Spin-off series unlike Washu is writing an Amidamaru spin-off (Traitor!) (_Washu hugs Amidamaru)_

Fact 3: Mrs Smith was married to an Englishman called Christopher Smith (Named after this real smart kid, Washu knows). Solves alot of confusing questions here. _(Washu is whistling)_

Fact 4: Hedgehog's wife KT Vogt is actually an Actress who is one of the very FEW actress/actors that are reasonbly good with dubbing anime. Her most famous is Tenchi Muyo's Washu (Hence the creator's name!) and is Washu's female role model! (Only female role model!) (_Washu turns round to look at Kalim waving)_

Fact 5: Hedgehog's real name and son are called Horo Horo b'coz there are alot of girls who love Horo Horo and Washu likes him too even though she won't admit it..._(Sticks tongue out at Washu)_

Fact 6: The song, I sing in the first episode of this Fanfic is a real song by a One Hit Wonder called Sabrina and that song was called Boys (Summertime love). Download it and I bet ya will either love it or hate it. (_Washu starts to hula dance)_

Fact 7: Washu likes a Swedish band called Roxette and her fave song by them is also called Dangerous. _(Washu pretends to play the guitar)_

Fact 8: Washu had a French teacher called Mohammed Lechgar. He was one of Washu's fave teachers (Hence the restuarant!) He was strict but he liked Washu for she was keen to learn unlike other pupils. (_Washu waves French Flag)_

Oh! Back from your toilet break already? Well, there will be more interesting fanfacts (fanfics-fanfacts haha getit?)Ok, lets read some more of me and the road trip of hell with Sliva. See ya later! _(Washu bows)_


	6. Misfortune 5

At KT's home. Kalim was looking after hyperactive boy Horo Horo (2). He was finally put asleep. With baby sleeping pills. Made for hyperactive kids. Kalim was sitting watching TV. Nothing good was on and KT only has a few channels.

"KT should get decent channels. Nothing is good on."

Horo Horo 2 was crying. Kalim went up to see him and calm him down a bit.

"I want mommy," he cried.

"Mommy ain't here. But I am here. Look!" Kalim picks up a blue bunny "Bunny rabbit! Hey Kid! Where is the carrot-cigars."

Horo Horo 2 gave him one weird look.

"Ok... Oh look, here is Fat Tony!" Picks up a teddy bear. "Give me your honey and you get the carrot-cigars."

Horo Horo 2 grabbed the bunny and hugged it.

"Rabbits don't smoke carrots."

"I was trying to be funny," said Kalim.

"Well, you are not. Get mommy!" Horo Horo 2 said cheekly.

Kalim whispers under his breath "Stupid little brat."

**Back at the restuarant**. Hedgehog was going outta control. Then wouldn't any outlaw be like that. Especialy if he sees his wife with a guy he thinks is his friend then Hedgehog is bound to go coo-coo.

"Kate!"

"Horo Horo!" KT replied.

"NO! NO!" I cried.

Why are all the good girls taken by jerks or freaks? It's just not fair!

Hedgehog pointed his gun at me. I walked over to him and put my hands in the air. Everyone thought I was crazy. Though Hedgehog was easy to talk to. Crazy guys are easier to talk to second time round.

"Hedgehog..."

"What is it, Sliva?"

I stood still "Before you rob anyone just think what you are doing to your wife."

"After I think, can I then rob everyone?"

"Yes. Yes you can. I'll even time you!"

Hedgehog sat on the ground and closed his eyes. Everyone escaped from the restuarant. Hedgehog began thinking about his past and what happened to him and his wife.

* * *

**Hedgehog's Past **

"Here is your son," said the Midwife in Hedgehog's past.

The mid wife passes Hedgehog Horo Horo 2. He got his index finger to tickle his tummy when Horo Horo 2 grabbed Hedgehog's finger with his tiny little hands. Hedgehog smiled at the laughing baby.

"He likes you," said KT.

"Kate, what is his name?"

KT smiled "His name is Horo Horo. After the man I love."

"Hello Horo Horo. I am your daddy,"

* * *

**Back to reality**. KT and I were still in the restaurant waiting for Hedgehog to come to his senses. After his five minutes. He got his gun out again and pointed it at me.

"Thanks Sliva! For opening up my wounds and dating my ex-wife!"

"Hey! She deserves a man in her life. She is too busy with your son to have a social life. And you go around running from the law thinking you are big!" I said showing.

Hedgehog gave me one weird look "What are you saying? I met you in a prison cell in Reno!"

KT slapped us both across the face. "I WANT TO GO HOME! I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY TO ANY OF YOU!"

**Kalim was back at KT's**. He was having trouble getting Horo Horo 2 to sleep. It was 10pm and Horo Horo 2 was hyper on pizza. So much for pizza putting him to sleep. It made him more hyper. Kalim needed a mircle. A mircle like Marry Poppins.

Just then, Mrs Smith flew through the window on an umbrella like Mary Poppins did. She landed in Horo Horo 2's room. Kalim was impressed by what he saw.

"YOU CAN FLY ON THAT?" Kalim said shocked.

"Remember when I was on the mechanical bull and Sliva speeded it up so I would lose. Well, when I flew off, I would have landed somewhere and broke all my bones. Well, when I married my second husband Mr Christopher Smith from London, I took umbrella flying lessons. Which are very handy. I passed with flying colours on my first test."

"There is such a thing?" asked Kalim.

Mrs Smith slapped Kalim across the face "Didn't you listen? Now, I see you made this child more hyper by feeding him pizza. There is no way to calm him down unless..."

Mrs Smith goes into her handbag and pulls out some pills. They were child friendly sleeping pills. Children would be easily fooled if they saw them b'coz they looked like candy...

"What is the kid's name?" Mrs Smith whisphered.

"Horo Horo..."

Mrs Smith looked shocked "ANOTHER ONE!"

Mrs Smith turned to look at Horo Horo 2 who was calming staring at her. Wonder who the hell was she. Mrs Smith gave Horo Horo 2, two pills and he swallowed them. Then suddenly, he went to sleep. Mrs Smith's work was done.

Mrs Smith jumped on the window sill and opened her umbrella up and flew off to her car which was a five minute walk from the house. Kalim looked amazed.

"Horo Horo's grandmother is something."

The next day, I was sitting at the table doing a crossword. KT woke up making herself a cup of coffee. She was giving me the silent treatment. She looked at me while drinking her coffee.

"I am sorry about last night. I was just mad that you never told me you knew my ex-husband," said KT.

"Hey! I never knew who your husband was when you described him though I should've guessed when you said he really like Hedgehogs and Squrrils..."

KT smiled "So, you are leaving today..."

"For the Arts Festival in Denver," I replied.

"How about I make you and Kalim some sandwiches for the road? My treat."

My Adventure is not finished just yet. This is just one happy cliff-hanger. Will I continue to date KT? Will Kalim get flying umbrella lessons? Ok, I am tired I can't be bothered to say... Zz...zz...Zz...

**To be Continued**


	7. Misfortune 6

Back on the Highway.We left KT's with her number. So we can call her later on. Ok,we were so close to Denver's Arts' Festival. With all those discractions I was suprised that we would never ever reach the Arts Festival but... WE DID!

We reached Denver and the Arts Festival. We parked the car and went into the line and wait to get in. We had the right amount of money for it and I was so excited. Finally after all the comotion I was finally at the destation I wanted to be. Ever since I was a young boy, I always went to the Arts Fair with my mother who sold jewlery that teenagers bought for good luck or to look cool in school. I loved seeing up coming artists and musians and poets.

Kalim only came to make money... Which wasn't a suprise to me. Mrs Smith only came to see her grandchildren or so I thought.Like me she was entering the poetry contest. What luck? I was sure gonna win but the contest got tighter... I met some old friends, Anna, Yoh, Manta and Amidamaru... How did they get here? WHY WERE THEY HERE?

"Hey Sliva!" Yoh called out and waved.

I waved back and had a sweatdrop from my head. I walked over to them.

"How are you all doing?" I asked.

"Fine. We are all here to see Ryu's rock star childhood friend, Washu," **(((RING A BELL!))) **Manta explained.

"And to meet Horo Horo's grandmother, Mrs Smith," Yoh smiled.

Amidamaru appeared "We heard she makes very good cookies."

"Yes... I have met her. She isn't that nice!"

Anna laughed "Ha! Sliva is scared of an old lady who knows how to fly an umbrella? That is why I am here to meet her and see if I can get Umbrella Flying lessons."

"What? Is that so you can keep an eye on Yoh and Manta?" Amidamaru asked.

Anna smirked. Manta looked scared like he could read Anna's mind. Yoh was giggling nervously.

"So Sliva, What are you doing here?" asked Manta looking up to me.

"I am enterying the poetry contest. With my two best poems."

They all looked in shock at me. They heard the poems Mrs Smith wrote and I had no chance against her. GREAT! Just great but I was still gonna enter. That old bag has insulted me an enough with her umbrella flying, getting arrested for driving slow and baking Kalim cookies and not me!

"You would have no chance against Mrs Smith. Her poems are way good!" Amidamaru said to blow the silence out.

**Kalim was too busy selling hand-made good luck charms**. Though they weren't selling very well. Unlike the merchants across from Kalim's stall. Horo Horo (The one and only one we ALL LOVE and know and is related to Mrs Smith.) comes and decided to help Kalim out.

"Yo Kalim! What's up?" asked Horo Horo.

"Nothing much... I haven't sold many good luck charms."

Horo Horo looked at the price tags and his eyes widen with complete shock.

"IF MY GRANDMOTHER WAS HERE SHE WOULD HIT YOU WITH HER HANDBAG!" Horo Horo freaked "WHY ARE THEY SO EXPENSIVE?"

"B'coz when we were on the Roadtrip to get here. On Night one, Sliva made camp in front of a strip club and I was very curious you see..."

Horo Horo nodded "Ah! I see... Were there any blondes?"

"Yeah! Plenty of them. There was this one who was wearing a pink-glitter outfit and she looked really pretty. I spent $120 on her alone."

Horo Horo folded his arms and shouke his head "Tut, tut tut, Kalim. If Grannie Smith heard that she would slap you with her handbag."

Kalim looked shocked. Horo Horo got the black marker and changed the prices to the Good Luck charms and stood by and watched the costumers come by. They were forking it in like mad. Thier sale rivals weren't impressed. This means war!

"Look, Brandi! Your ex-boyfriend is selling good luck charms too," said Samantha, a girl working in the rival stall.

Brandi looked at Kalim and smirked "He be outta business soon. Kalim was always such a sweetie."

Brandi put the prices down on her merchandise. Then the costumers rushed back to her. Kalim stood up and looked at his sale rivals and reconised her. He started to cry...

"My ex-girlfriend!" he weeped promotly.

Horo Horo raised the prices lower and everyone was back with them again. The War was beginning.

"If she broke your heart then lets break her business!" Horo Horo exclaimed with his fist up in the air.

Brandi's friend, Samantha looked over at Horo Horo like she knew him! She secretly raised the prices of the goods and Kalim was forking more in.

"That is $4! Thanks! Buy again!" Kalim greeted his costumers.

"I can't believe him! How is he raking in more money than me?" Brandi said shocked.

Brandi walked over to Kalim's stall. She was real mad at him for setting up a good luck stall. This was Kalim's chance to get revenage on her for dumping him in the world's most shocking way. On Live 8! A charity gig! LOW I TELL YOU! LOW! That and Kalim spoiled my best shirt with his tears. That is why I hate her!

"Kalim! What are you doing? Setting up a hand-made good luck charm stall? Phew! That was a handful!"

Kalim stood up and everyone looked at him since there was no good storylines recently in The Bold & Beauitful. (Boy! Do I love that soap!)

"It's free country! I can set up a a hand-made good luck charm stall if I want to. You can't control me!" Kalim announced.

"Ooh... Ah..." said everyone watching.

Horo Horo was waving flags with Kalim's face on them and cheering him on.

"Go Kalim! It's Birthday," Horo Horo cheered.

"Oh it ain't his Birthday! His Birthday is on April 24. 14 days after Washu McChan the creator of this fanfic's Birthday which is April 10. To all those who don't know." Brandi pointed out.

Horo Horo looked at Brandi weirdly "I was just cheering my pal on!"

"Hello! We are meant to have a huge arguement in front of all these people!" Kalim said waving his arms around.

The audience sat down and started to eat pop-corn and drink Soda Pop. They were watching Kalim and Brandi like it was a soap opera.

"Anyway, I am trying to earn a living. You are only selling those good luck charms to make me feel worse than the time you got U2 to dump me on Live 8!"

"Ooh... Ah!"

"Well, do you expect me to dump you by myself? And Bono does it so well," Brandi asked folding her arms.

Horo Horo changed his clothes and was wearing a suit like he was Jerry Springer. There was a light up logo with Horo Horo's name and Horo Horo's spirit, Kororo was handling with the camera. Ok, this was Horo Horo's Art project for the Film Contest. Using real life situations and creating a Talk show! Very creative unlike Jerry Springer who uses fake people and make them fight.

"Question for Brandi," said a familiar voice.

That Familiar voice was... Drum roll please... Mrs Smith!

"Ask her, Grannie!" Horo Horo replied.

Mrs Smith took Horo Horo's microphone "How can you be so heartless? Kalim is a decent man and you treated him like dirt. You even got one of the World's Most famous rock bands to dump him."

"You are just an old lady. You know nothing!" Brandi said shaking her fists.

"Wanna battle?" Mrs Smith asked.

"You're on!"

"FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"

Horo Horo looked worried "I don't have bodyguards like Jerry Springer does!"

"MRS SMITH IS A SHAMAN?" Kalim freaked.

Here is the big suprise! Mrs Smith is a Shaman and so is Brandi. I, Sliva need to have a bath. So, I will leave you with this cliff-hanger and the many questions. What spirits do both shamans have? And when will Washu (The creater of this fanfic) appear and will she speak? And who are the judges of the poetry contest? Ok, I really need to have a bath. Now, where's my rubber duckie, Moose?

To be Continued...

* * *

_**Authur's Notes**_

_This had to be the hardest chapter to write. So, Sorry if you totally didn't like it as much as the others. I promise, the next chapter will totally shock you. Actually everthing in this fanfic is shocking! Haha! I laugh too much. This is not my speaking part. That is in the next chapter or is it? See ya! All the best, Washu McChan_


	8. Misfortune 7

The Shaman Fight of the Arts Festival was taking part outside Kalim's stall. Mrs Smith, Horo Horo's grandmother against Brandi Kalim's ex-girlfriend who got Bono to dump him for her at Live 8. The Charity gig everyone wants to go to!

Mrs Smith was sick of Brandi's attitude that she decided to go settle it. With a shaman match.

I came to see how Kalim's business was doing when I met Horo Horo at the stall with Kalim and Horo Horo's spirit Kororo. I turned to look at the fight and was shocked to see Mrs Smith was a shaman.

"Mrs Smith is a shaman?" I freaked.

Horo Horo looked at me dimly "How do you think I am a shaman? Grannie was the best shaman of the Ainu people. Don't be fooled by her spirit though..."

Mrs Smith had a Penguim spirit called Pingu and Brandi had a Moutain Lion Spirit. You would think the Mountain Lion would win against the penguim. But you would be wrong. PINGU KICKS ASS! WHOO!

"Pingu into the umbrealla!"

"What will the umbrealla do to help Mrs Smith win this shaman fight?" I asked being dull.

"Fang integrate!"

We all laughed at Brandi's move she did. Big mistake.

"WHAT'S SO FUNNY?"

We stopped laughing.

"Your fly is open," Kalim pointed out.

Brandi looks down and Kalim tipped Brandi over. We all laughed at Bradni even more. Brandi was more than keen to kick Mrs Smith down for interfering with her arguement with Kalim.

"Forget him! I'm ready!" Brandi called.

Mrs Smith stood still and smiled and nodded. Brandi pounced all the way to Mrs Smith but Mrs Smith used her Mana very well if I must say.

"Ice Beam!" Mrs Smith shouted.

She pointed the umbrealla at Brandi and Brandi started to get covered in ice. Till eventually she was frozen. Everyone watching all cheered her. That was short yet amazing. I have learned never underestimate Mrs Smith.

As I promised Kalim (Off screen) we went to see the Shaman Rock Band Laughing Souls. With Ryu's childhood friend, Washu! Yes, Washu! Yes... Yes... GOD DAM YES!

Washu was backstage with her other band members. Kalim and I were sitting with the audience. I was drinking Cherry Soda. I really do love Cherry Soda through a straw. Kalim had a glow-stick saying 'Laughing Souls'. Why the name Laughing Souls? Washu laughs alot. REALLY!

"I wonder what song she is gonna sing first?" Kalim asked waving his glow stick.

"It's only five o'clock in the afternoon. What time does this concert start?"

I took another sip of my Cherry Soda. Yoh and Co Feat. Ryu sat down beside us. Yoh sat next to me. He managed to get away from Anna.

"Hey Sliva! Do you like Laughing Souls too?" asked Yoh.

I put my head down in shame.

"He has a poster of Washu on his wall!" Kalim told them.

They all laughed at me.

"So does Yoh and he isn't ashamed of it," Manta pointed out.

Ryu got his banner out. It said 'Washu rules!' on it. It was huge that Kalim had to help him hold it up. Amidamaru had a video camera borrowed from Horo Horo. Everyone who saw thought it was the new floating camera from Currays! Thank god Modern Technogly is brain washing this world. What? I was being scarcastic.

"Whoo! Come out Washu!" Ryu cheered.

"I can't believe my niece is performing," Amidamaru said holding the camera.

Amidamaru was married to Washu's great great great great great (ok x 27 great I am guessing!) aunt also named Washu. She also looks like her too which is strange... But interesting!

The lights in the tent dimmed and a spot light appeared... on Hedgehog. HEDGEHOG! Misfortune 8 unfolded. Yes... Misfortune 8! What? I trust you to count for yourselfs and you don't bother!

Hedgehog had decided to steal the show. Lets give him a big cheer. No we won't. That pyshco was going more crazy by the minute. I thought he would be with his wife. My date Kate! (That's her real name. Hey! It rythmed... I should go into rapping!)

"Hello Laughing Soul fans!" he laughed.

"Hi Hedgehog!" Kalim waved.

Yoh tapped my shoulder "Is he the supporting act?"

"HE IS A PYSHCO! THAT LOVES ANIMALS! Mostly Hedgehogs and Squrrils... BUT HE CRAZY! HOW COME NO BODYGUARD STOPPED HIM!" I freaked.

Hedgehog turned to the left and all tied up was Washu. She looked worried and scared. At this point, I was getting to the stage where all this was totally over board and random. Why does the Great Spirit hate the Arts Festival? I walked on stage with the deck chair I was sitting on and walked towards Hedgehog.

"Hello friend!" He creeped (greeted creeped gettit? Forgetit!)

I hit Hedghog over the head with the chair and everyone cheered. Hedgehog was no happy bunny (Haha! I made another joke... forget it!) Hedgehog got one of his guns and fired it but it started to sing:

**I heard all about,  
****What you can do,  
****But I got to know,  
****Is it true,  
****You tell me to trust what should I believe,  
****You promised so much, talk so deep,  
****You told me that your seriously,  
****But I got to know for sure,  
****You say that you want me baby but I heard it all before**

"TALYOR DAYNE!" Ryu announced excited.

"Do you have the song, tell it to my heart?" asked Amidamaru.

Yoh smiled "I love that song."

"My dad likes Talyor Dayne."

Kalim got everyone in the audience to sing along to the chorus. He was speechless when that gun 'fired' Taylor Dayne is another one of his favourite singers...

"PROVE YOUR LOVE, GOT TO PROVE YOUR LOVE, IF YOU WANT TO BE WITH ME TONIGHT," they all sang.

Hedgehog looked at the gun very carefully...

"Oops. My singing gun. Stole it from a novelty store. NOW SHUT UP! I PREFER THE SONG TELL IT TO MY HEART! BUT THEY NEVER HAD IT!"

Hedgehog went into his pocket and got a real gun out. I then played the world's most easiest trick. The look behind you trick. Hehe...

"Look behind you! Taylor Dayne!"

Hey! I still had Taylor Dayne on the brain! Man! Her songs are catchy.

Hedgehog looked behind him and I grabbed his two guns. I didn't know which was which until I saw the little switch on one of them with intinals T.T.M.H and every Taylor Dayne fan should know that stands for Tell it to my Heart! Haha! So, the gun played two Taylor Dayne songs. Hedghog just had the song on Prove your Love.Was these guns made by VH1 to get her back in the Music Business? We will never know!

"Ha! But which gun is the real gun?" Hedgehog asked being a smart ass.

"This one," I replied.

I pulled the trigger and a BANG! The bullet flew right past Hedgehog who ran away like a little baby. I saved the concert and everyone was cheering me on. I rushed over to Washu and untied her. She hugged me straight away.

"Are you alright, Washu?" I asked.

Washu said nothing. She just hugged me and I felt so lucky. I mean she is Washu and I have a poster of her on my wall in my room! It was amazing. I bet Kalim was jealous.

"Thank you, Sliva," she whispered in my ear.

**Later that night, Kalim and me were in our tent. **After all that choas the concert was cancelled until tomorrow night. Tomorrow night was the poetry Contest Stand-up. I was left were two hard decesions to make... Concert or Contest?

**To be Continued...

* * *

**

**Author's Notes**

_I know! It wasn't as good as all the other chapters like I promied but it is hard to come up with all funny or shocking parts especially since I am near the end. Yeah, I am sad too about this. Don't worry I have more Sliva & Kalim ideas. Would anyone like to go on a see-saw? Hehe..._


	9. Misfortune 8

Today was the day! The day of the poetry contest! I was nervous. I really wanted to go to both The Laugh Souls Concert and the Poetry contest but I couldn't choose. It was so hard to decide. Kalim wasn't much help either. He knew what he wanted to do. Laughing Souls Concert.

I had an idea. I would go around and do loads of favours and hopefully they will put the concert on a later time or the poetry contest on another day.

Boy! It was hard. I dressed as a cleaning lady. Yes, a cleaning lady. I had to wear a skirt, a bandana, yellow rubber gloves and wore bright red lipstick. I was so hard to recongised that the boss man kept eyeing me up. FOR GOD'S SAKE HE FOUND ME ATTARCTIVE! That was Misfortune 9!

"I want this tent cleaned. There are lots of litter from the concert from the Night before."

I was listening to my old fashioned cassette walkman with my Martika tape. She is more original than Eminem! I mean he just speeded her voice up and made her sound like Alvin & the Chipmonks in the song Toy Soliders.

"Step by step, Heart to heart, Left right left, We all fall down, Like Toy Soliders," I sang along without realising.

The boss took the headphones off my head and looked at me. Like love at first sight. He tried to see my ears by putting my hair behind them by I slapped him.

"It's against my reglion to see my ears!" I cried in my best girl's impression.

My boss looked at me weirdly "What reglion are you?"

"The Bob Marly one."

"Oh, I am sorry. You just look pretty that's all."

I slapped him "I have a husband!" I lied just so he would just stop hitting on me. Very disturbing...

**Later on picking litter up. **I was talking to myself when someone I never recongised came up to and started to have a little conversation with me. It was Washu. THE WASHU!

"Stupid boss. Hitting on me b'coz I have lipstick on. This isn't even my colour. More likely to be Boy George's colour... BUT NOT MINE!" I said to myself.

A girl who was the same size as Anna tapped my shoulder and I turned round and saw her smiling and laughing at me. I looked at her. Thinking I knew her but from where?

"Hey! Mr... I mean Mrs Sliva," she said, giggling.

"What do you want?"

"To ask why you are dressed as a woman and why you are picking up trash from my concert the night before?"

I looked at her again. She was Washu!

"Oh my god! You are Washu!"

Washu hugged me "You remember me! Are you Sliva (Underscore) Lover16 on my Website fourm?"

"Ye...yes."

Washu realised me from her hug and looked at my smudge bright red lipstick. She got her mirror out with Lipstick kiss marks on it. She grabbed my head and put me in a head lock andlooked at the three colour of lipsticks and see which one would suit me best. She got hot pink out and gave it to me.

"This will suit you best."

I recieved the Hot Pink Lipstick and looked at it.

"You know... I don't wear lipstick this is just a one-offand why are you picking up trash from your concert?"

"B'coz my fans made the mess and I feel it's my responisality to clean up after them," Washu replied.

"WHAT?"

I was so loud that all the birds flew away and everyone stopped what they were doing and stood there silent wondering who the hell was that.

**"Ha! How rude! Some people like a bit of peace and quiet you know. More tea anyone?" asked Hao pouring some tea in his cup.**

"Did you have to be so loud? Anyway, why are you doing with the Mrs Doubtfire look? Another way for chicks to dig you?" Washu laughed.

I was playing with my two index fingers and looked at Washu who was laughing at me.

"Can you do me a favour?" I asked all quiet.

Washu smiled "Sure... What is it?"

"Cancel the concert for one one day!" I begged.

I went on my knees and held her hands and she looked at me. I had a sweat drop from my head and Washu smiled at me.

"The concert has been cancelled and it will not come back on despite what people said last night. Tonight after the Poetry contest is my Karaoke Show with a Mystery Presenter. A very good friend of mine. If I do say so myself. So, don't worry."

**It was the Poetry Contest that afternoon. **I was really nervous. But I felt nothing can go wrong! NOTHING! NOTTA! ZERO! NILCH! (I hear everyone else says that!) But Misfortune 10 happened.

I accidently took Kalim's shopping list for his mother instead of my poem. Why? WHY? Why does the Great Spirit hate my poems so much?

What will happen to me? Will I win the contest by reading Kalim's Mother's Shopping list or will I plagerise another poem if Kalim doesn't return my poem. Ok, I need to use the toilet and have a break. Stay tuned!

**To be Continued...**


	10. Misfortune 9

I was panicking like mad. I was about to go on and read my best poem out and I had Kalim's Mother's shopping list instead. I was real mad at Kalim for leaving useless notes hanging around in my car. MY CAR! MY 1987 BELL-AIR CHEEVE!

I looked closely at the Shopping List and decided to tweak it into a poem. It was genius! You see, I can pull all the misfortunes off. Misfortune 10 was gonna be a breeze on the beach... with Hot babes... preferably brownettes like Washu and Tiffani Thiessen (aka Kelly from Saved by the Bell). What does Kalim see in blondes anyway?

"Lets see. Eggs... Milk... Bread... Cherry Soda... Chicken... Beacon... Corn... and Steak... MY GOD! Kalim's mother sure likes her meat!"

With not many decent foods to work with. I managed to think of a poem for the contest. It was original and not that carefully thought out but it was good.

"Finally done!" I said cheering.

"Contestant 798, Sliva. Please come out," they announced.

I walked out on stage and Kalim was the only one who cheered me on. Which was totally utterly embrassessing in my books but then, Kalim was hit on the head many times as a baby.

"Whoo! GO SLIVA!" Kalim cheered.

"Down in front, Kalim!" I shouted back.

"An enough of that bad attitude towards your fans!" Anna snapped clicking her fingers.

On the judging panel was Mikihisa and Anna! Yoh's father and fiancé! Were judges! I WAS DOOMED! It was finally clear! The Great spirit hates my art and would do anything to see me being annoyed. It was annoying!

I ignored Anna and read my last minute prepared Poem out. The room was silent as I read out the poem.

"**The Chickens lay the eggs for a living,  
****The cows milk for a living,  
****The pigs eat all they can until fate drags them away,  
****The cows, the chickens and the pigs go on strike,  
****Going on strike was their mistake,  
****I go into the Store,  
****To buy Cherry Soda and Corn,  
****On the shelves I see all the animals that fought for their right,  
****The Chicken, the beacon and the steak,  
****Their right to be living creatures was their mistake**."

I finished reading my poem and everyone stood up, cheered and clapped. They liked my poem despite what I had to work with. Anna was crying and so was Mikihisa. Though Mikihisa is a bird boy anyway and the mentioning of chickens made him cry on que.

After that I waited impaiently for the results of the contest. I knew I should have wore those good luck charms Kalim made. Though they would've been worse any how. Looking at this whole Road trip experience. Next time, I am taking Javine (Not the Crappy singer who lost in Eurovision ---- my childhood friend.) with me.

Since I am ashamed what happened next. I am not going to tell you. All you must know is. I lost. Yes, after all that time driving to the Arts Festival with all those distractions and dam I lose.

"I WON! I WON! I FINALLY GOT REVENEG ON SLIVA!" Hedgehog cheered.

If you would understand my emotions you will know why I wouldn't tell you. DON'T LOOK AT ME! What am I? A vampire or a warlock? Both come out at night...

Kalim and I hit off to 'The Laughing Souls' concert. Well, everyone was thinking that. We were actually at the Suprise Karaoke show but no one knew that but me. Man! I love being a woman! _(Plays Shanina Twain intro music to Man! I feel like a woman!)_

"I can't believe you lost and you wrote a poem after seeing my mother's shopping list. That ain't inspiring. She loves her meat and corn."

"Kalim! Don't talk to me about it. That stupid soothsayer."

* * *

**Memory Lane  
****Theme Music: We are taking a trip down,  
****Memory Lane,  
****Memory Lane,  
****Let out the good, the bad, & the ugly out,  
****We are taking a trip down Memory Lane...  
****Announcer: Memory Lane is sponsered by Coffee! DRINK COFFEE!

* * *

**

OK OK! FORGET MEMORY LANE! WE ARE TAKING TOO MUCH TIME!

Right, all you need to know is before we came to the Arts Festival. We visited a soothsayer... Kalim's idea. Then he predicted that I will have 10 Misfortunes in and on the way to the Arts Festival if I never paid her $20! And I never b'coz it was all stupid. Still is.

"Come on Kalim. I just wanna go and see Laughing Souls perform."

We went into the tent and everyone looked at us in a not so good mood. Have you ever seen Beauity and the Beast when the towns people had fire and whacking sticks etc etc to beat up beast. Well, I felt like I was in that movie the way everyone looked at me.

"THE SHOW WAS CANCELLED B'COZ OF YOU!" They shouted at me.

"Hey hey! It was Hedgehog's doing not me! It's not my fault he is a pshyco!" I replied.

The lights went down. The fire the people had was blown out. Everyone got scared. I was smiling happily. I knew this was gonna happen.

"SIT DOWN! YOU ARE ALL HOSTAGES!" A Familiar voice laughed.

Everyone sat down. Apart from me who was standing with my arms folded. Then someone appeared in black and you couldn't see her face. Everyone got scared apart from me. I knew who it was and so do all of you.

"You standing!"

"Me?" I pointed at myself confused.

"DUH! On the stage here! Now! Chop chop!"

I walked on the stage and I was hugged by the woman in black. Everyone looked confused until she realved herself.

"Hi I am Washu McChan! You may remember from the band Laughing Souls. This here is Sliva. He is my co presenter on my karaoke show for tonight," Washu introduced.

The whole crowd cheered. I was blushing. Washu was walking on stage and explaining more of the show.

"Tonight, you have the chance to sing your favourite song and us, Sliva and I are the judges and we'll choose the best karaoke star. We promise we won't be evil like Simon Cowell. Who is up first?"

No one put their hand up. No one apart from Kalim. Yes, Kalim. Washu said he could be the first and he grabbed the microphone and started to karry-on-ke. Haha! Forget it!

He sang Shania Twain's old song, Any Man of Mine. I would be lying if I said that Kalim hated girly singers. But he doesn't. He loves them...:

**Any man of mine better be proud of me  
****Even when I'm ugly he still better love  
****And I can be late for a date that's fine  
****But he better be on time  
****Any man of mine'll say it fits just right  
****When last year's dress is a little too tight  
****And anything I do or say better be okay  
****When I have a bad hair day  
****And if I change my mind  
****A million times,  
****I wanna hear him say...**

Audience: YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! I LIKE THAT WAY!

The Karaoke show went on all night and Kalim ended up winning... I am not suprised.

**Back on the road, on the way home**. I was gald to get going. I do not want to go through all that again. Not ever!

"Hey Sliva!"

"Yes, Kalim," I replied.

"That tunnel is a shortcut home."

I banged my head on the wheel.

"DAM IT!"

**"BEEP!"**

"DAM IT!"

**"BEEP!"**

"DAM IT! DAM IT!"

Kalim pointed another thing out.

"It was built five years ago and we never noticed. Isn't that the funniest thing ever, Sliva? Sliva..."

I was driving so slow that Mrs Smith drove past us. She beeped her horn at us.

"Hiya boys! Enjoy the Arts Festival?" Mrs Smith shouted.

"Yes, I did Mrs Smith. It was a pleasure to get to know you these past weeks!" Kalim replied.

Mrs Smith threw Kalim a CD case. It was his Sabrina CD with the song Boys Summertime Love. It had no scratches on it despite being run over by a lorry. A speeding lorry.

"I got your CD back! Maybe Sliva will enjoy ittoo and it will cheer him up!"

Mrs Smith drove off in the tunnel. Kalim put the CD on and we were back to square one. Being annoyed by the world's most annoying song sung by the world's best (Best meaning worst) karaoke singer. Only one good thing came out in all of this. I met Washu the hottest babe in Laughing Souls. Actually she is the only female member. Oh well. Some good memories have come out of all these misfortunes.

Now that is the end of my Roadtrip of Hell. Now, I have a hot date with someone special. Yes, I am visiting my mother... STOP LAUGHING!

**The End**


	11. Kalim's Time Guest starring Washu!

**Announcer:** This is Kalim's Time. With Kalim and Washu McChan. Guest starring Amidamaru.

**Kalim:** Hello! Everyone! This is the end of the Sliva Roadtrip Special with I, Kalim and this is Washu. Who has finally spoken. Washu say Kal--im.

_(Washu slaps Kalim)_

This is the end of our Roadtrip but like always in Kalim's time, I, Kalim have special interesting facts about some of the stuff you kids probably don't know. And if you do know. Then you are all very special people. Now, lets begin.

**Washu:** Madonna was in prison like Kalim mention in Part 2 but only in a movie called "Who's that Girl?" One of Madonna's few decent movies and not well known. Probably not well known b'coz it was actually a good movie which is unusual for Madonna.

**Kalim:** Washu is a very big fan of Saved by the Bell. B'coz we actually have mentioned a few things about Saved by the Bell like Wedding in Vegas and the actress Tiffani Thiessen.Washu also has a fake ID. Her fake ID name is Mary Lou McGugan like the entertainment singer in the old western bar but only McGugan is changed to MaGu and Lou is changed to Lulu incase people find out.

_(Washu slaps Kalim again)_

**Washu:** Hedgehog the creepy one came to mind after witnessing a Hedgehog get run over. So I thought that hedgehog would want revenege on the driver so that is how Hedgehog was written in and how he wanted revenage on Sliva. But in real life he is a friendly guy and use to play the French Horn. Brandi, Kalim's ex was named after Moesha star, Brandi.

**Kalim:** The Shopping list poem was a last minute idea by Washu after reading her mother's shopping list. Washu does not like Cherry Soda as much as Sliva does. Washu also has another fanfics where she guest stars. There is one where she visits Ryu as his old childhood friend and she named Amidamaru's wife in his spin-off after her...

_(Washu is sitting on Amidamaru's knee and Washu has her arms around his neck.)_

**Washu:** Oh, Amidamaru. You are so fine! You are blowing my mind! I love you!

_(Kalim dims his eyes at Washu)_

**Kalim** _(Goes teary eyed)_: Does anyone love me?

* * *

**That is all from Sliva's Roadtrip of Hell. If you love Kalim then just say in the review. The next Sliva Fanfic is called "See Saw Amish." Where Sliva and Co try to save the see-saw from being knocked down by the Amish who want to build a barn. You will also take a "Real" trip down Memory Lane.**


	12. Theme Song

**Kalim:** You thought! You heard the last from us! Since it has been a long while. But we are back! Yeah! Since Washu wrote a theme song for Sliva's Roadtrip, Kalim's Time has continued to show this performance. Yeah! Here is Washu with the theme for Sliva's Roadtrip of Hell.

**Washu:**

**Why me?  
**(Lyrics and Music by Washu!)

**1) Everything is going alright,  
****I see nothing bad,  
****I feel nothing wrong,  
****It's all simple**

**Into:  
****First sign of trouble,  
****I wanna just dig my way outta it all...**

**Chorus:  
****Why! Why me!  
****I just wanna get going,  
****Speeding down the Highway,  
****Why! Why me!  
****Why does everything always happen to me?**

**2) Don't cross my line,  
****You don't wanna piss me off,  
****I wanna keep going until I fall asleep,  
****Why does someone always make me stop my car**

**Intro and Chorus**

**3) What are all your problems?  
****Why do I have to solve them?  
****Everyone seems to not know how common sense is useful,  
****Do you have a problem with my jokes and scarcastic comments?**

**Chorus**

**4) First sign of trouble,  
****I wanna dig out,  
****No one seems to be able to use their common sense  
****My need to get to my destintion seems the last of their problems...  
****Why! Why me?**

**Kalim: **Washu, get your ass over here!

_(Washu walks over to Kalim. Kalim puts his arm around Washu's shoulder.)_

**Kalim:** Nice song! Totally relates to Sliva's attitude towards the whole trip.

**Washu:** Thanks Kalim.

**Kalim:** Will you be writing anymore songs for Shaman King?

**Washu:** Mmm... you know... I am not gonna tell you! Haha! That is between me and me only. Yeah! I like to surprise people but I will see you in Canada with Sliva.

**Kalim:** Yeah! I will see you later in Canada.

_(Washu kisses Kalim's cheek and walks away from Kalim.)_

**Kalim:** SCORE!


End file.
